A year ago today.

A year ago today I got a call that you never think you will ever get. I'm sorry but your biopsy results came back and you have cancer. I wanted to say is this a joke it was after all April fools but I knew this was no joke. Can you imagine having to call your family on April Fools to tell them you have cancer. Everybody was saying is this a joke? But even i was in deep denial. I had been told by my family doc that even if it's cancer they just give you a chemo pill to take and that people sometimes take it daily for arthritis so it wasn't that big of a deal. So we told everybody it wasn't real cancer it was going to be fine. I had no idea what i was in for in the next seven months. It was defiantly real cancer and real chemo. This last year i have learned so much about myself. I'm not as tough and indestructible as I had always thought. I do need help and can't do everything on my own. I learned I could pray and ask for help with anything including poop! I learned that trials including sickness is not a punishment from God or a tool he uses to teach us things but it's a natural consequence of these imperfect bodies. Sickness just happens it's a part of life so don't take it personally. I learned just how much my husband loves me and how much I can lean on him and depend on him. I'm grateful to my mom who stepped in and turned in her grandma badge for a mom badge and helped take care of me and my kids. I'm also so grateful for our community who stepped up with not only emotional support but financial help as well without every one's generosity we would have lost everything our home and sanity. It made me so grateful for my healthy kids. That was one thing that really helped me get thorough it all was the thought better me then my kids. A year ago today I was clueless now I know more things than a woman my age should. I can't say that I'm grateful for cancer but I can say that I'm grateful for the things I have learned and the people who have taught me. I hope this year brings more learning experiences but through another way besides cancer.

This pic is from my last day of chemo.