Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Weeks 8,9

I need to get better about updating. Week 8 went pretty good I was hoping my counts would be down to zero but they weren't. My count was 110, down which is good but I was still a little disappointed. Patience has never been my strong suit so I've been frustrated knowing I still have so long to go. My counts have to be zero and then we do 8 more weeks. So come on already! Last week was super crazy we went down Sat. to Las Vegas after my big treatment to go to my little sisters graduation on Wed. I was so worn out but glad i went to support her. Wed. night we headed back to Kanab and Thur. morning went to St. George for my treatment. My white counts were to low so they didn't do chemo they gave me a shot to boost my white count and then I had a ct scan of my chest to see if the spots are gone. Hopefully I'll have good news this week about those results. Then Fri. we went back to St. george to get another shot and then headed to Richfield for a funeral. One of my mission companions passed away she was my age and died in her sleep. It has been very devastating to me as we are so close. Her parents asked me to speak at the funeral. It was one of the hardest things I've had to do. We got back Sat. night and had to go Sun. morning again to St. George for another shot and then again Mon. morning for the last one in that series. needless to say this has been one of the hardest weeks of my life. But Mon. night we celebrated my two youngest boys birthdays. That was so fun getting the family together. This week has also made me reflect a lot on my own life with the passing of my dear friend so suddenly and my cancer and seeing so many people go through chemo some of them terminal, it just made me think of how quickly our lives can change. I defiantly want to simplify my life so, no more babysitting and, no more bunco. I really want his next year to be about me and my family and the ones I love the most. We just don't know what's in God's plan for us so we need to make the best of our time here. Tell the people around you how wonderful they are. Love your kids every day like it might be the last time you see them. Kiss your spouse goodnight like you really mean it. And do some good in this world. You will never regret doing a nice thing or setting a good example to those around you. Live everyday the best you can but don't worry about perfection Jesus took care of that, that's what the atonement is for just use what you got and make the best of it. To my dear friend Jenna (aka Pete) I love you and miss you so much. You were an amazing example to me. Give Jesus a high five for me and tell him to hurry this chemo thing along! Lucky to have an angel like you looking down on me.

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

Week 5,6,7

Ok obviously I've been slacking week 5 really threw me off. My white counts were so low they wouldn't even do chemo. But the next week my counts were back up and we started again. I also found out my cancer counts are already down to 320. So after 4 weeks they droped from 350,000 to 320. It was very exciting news once the count gets to zero then I have 8 treatments left so the count down can really begin. I've been feeling pretty good which is a true blessing. And my armpit hair is almost gone which is totally awesome! I had to shave my head well bic it because the fine hairs started getting so irritated I'm not sure why but my hubby loves my smooth bald head. My eyebrows and eyelashes are still hanging on. The hardest part lately has been the anxiety I get it so bad the days before my treatments I just go crazy during the day doing projects and staying busy but then at night I can't sleep it can be very frustrating. It's defiantly a mental game fighting the depression that wants to consume me and just making myself get out of bed everyday. It's nothing I've had to deal with before it makes me feel for those who deal daily with these problems. It's all stuff that I just didn't know I'd be dealing with I just thought I'd be puking a lot. But I'm grateful that I know this will be over and I can have my normal life back a lot of people don't have that. I also got to go to a cancer makeup class they had for our 36 and younger group. There was like 6 of us and a lady came to teach us how to put makeup on and draw on eyebrows and stuff and companies donate all the makeup for us. It was so fun they also had wigs for us to try on they weren't to bad but I just can't see myself wearing one. I don't know what it is maybe cause it's fake and that just bugs me plus they are hot and ichy. I just rock the bald head and let the people stare! Plus I really don't see myself very often so it's really not my problem. It is tough sometimes I just miss my hair but it will grow. I'm hopping we'll find out thur. that my counts are down to zero so get your prayers going then we'll start the countdown. Love you guys thanks for all your encouragement I'm trying to stay strong and positive and all your kind words help.