Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Second week

Hallelujah the small treatment last week wasn't so bad. I prayed and prayed that I would be able to go to my boys baseball games on Sat. It was Braxton's first t-ball game ever and Austin's first game of the season, so I wanted to go so bad. My prayers were answered I had really bad heartburn but that was the worst of it. It really gave me the confidence that maybe I can do this after all. If only every other week is bad then I'll have lots of good days. I also went to all three hours of church on Sun., it was a little tiring but I'm glad I did it at least once. Of course I came home and puked my guts out I couldn't even keep water down but It was just the stomach flu and only lasted a couple days. I was pissed at first like really Heavenly Father do I really have to be sick on my good week, but then I thought about it if I got this sick on My bad weekend I'd probably end up in the hospital so I realized it was a blessing after all. It's crazy the things you learn to appreciate. My hair is also hanging on which is nice. Everyone keeps saying what if yours doesn't fall out. I would be so pissed if I cut all my hair off and it doesn't fall out. Stinking charity and their sick kids taking all my hair. I would write them a letter asking for my hair back and have someone put them in extensions! Just joking that would be so funny though. "Dear Locks of Love, My hair didn't fall out after all I would like my donations back please. Love Starla" I'd really have problems then h uh! Anyway all kidding aside I just want to tell all my friends and family thank you so much for everything. I really do feel so loved. And to my Bunco girls thank you thank you! You guys rock and I'm so lucky to have you as my friends!

Friday, April 23, 2010

First week

My guess is there are a million cancer blogs out there so I'm not sure what to write exactly in these updates. I do want to be honest though so, chemo kicked my trash! I'll admit I'm not superwoman and it has been much harder than I thought. I had a couple rough days over the weekend. Having said that, I have had many good days and many good moments that out weigh the bad ten fold. There have been so many blessings, like last Thurs. we went in for the first treatment I had just had surgery the day before and we still didn't know what the plan was. I needed to receive 3 different chemo IVs and the one took 12 hrs. and they hadn't worked out the details yet. When we got there the first two took a couple of hours but then they gave us a fanny pack with a pump and taught Ry how to unhook it and flush it when the 12 hrs was up. They said usually they just hospitalize you for two days because of the time and that we had more treatments the next day too. Instead we got to leave go stay comfortably at a friends and that is a blessing. Constipation (I know TMI !) has been a ridiculous challenge. One night on the crapper in tremendous pain I began to be-raid God and ask him, well tell him to help me. He could do this for me a poop wasn't too much to ask for right! Well after a little suffering and me not patiently waiting, relief comes. Now you all know poop can be an answer to prayers. It was a blessing. Now I know alot of people are reading these updates and some don't believe in a higher power. But this is not me trying to convert. I know people may look at my faith and think it is a coping mechanism. But for me it's the defining reality of my life. I see myself as a daughter of God, a person of tremendous worth and potential. Though I may have hard times and struggles I know I have, not merely a God but a Father, a Heavenly Father who loves me his daughter. And though he doesn't take away my trials he lifts my burdens and soothes my aching heart. So don't give up on this blog or dismiss it for it's religious tones. Just take this opportunity to get an inside view into my life and what my faith does for me. To all of you thanks so much for everything. Being the charity case is not easy for me but I have learned so much by being helped and motivated by all of you much love. Star

p.s. I'm no Tebow and I have no desire to be a poster child for Christianity. I have my own problems and am nowhere near perfection. Thank you.

Monday, April 12, 2010

Locks of Love!


After short and sassy!

I was so happy my friend Jeri could fit me in today to get my hair cut. I really wanted to donate it so something good can come of all of this. Fyi Locks of love won't take your hair once you've started chemo I was so glad someone told me that or all my gorgeous hair would have gone to waste. It was good to be able to talk to my kids about it so they understood that this hair will go to someone who needs it much more than I do. I don't think they will do the hysterectomy this week we haven't heard anything and they scheduled a surgery for WEd. to put a post in. It's just a thing they put under your skin to put the iv in so they don't have to find a vein each time. I feel so blessed though a sweet family in our church gave us a check yesterday for $500 and today I got the call that we would need $500 by Wed to cover half the cost of the surgery up front. I know God is so aware of us and our needs and he answers our prayers through other wonderful people who listen so carefully to his guidance. Thank you to everyone who has given us kind words or has stopped by to encourage me. I feel lifted by all your sweet sprits.

Saturday, April 10, 2010

Cancer, can't believe I said it! (Choriocarcinoma)

So I debated long and hard about this, to share or not to share? I tend to be a very private person, especially with bad news but there is a lesson in everything so I have a feeling my lesson is to be more open communicate ask for help and share good or bad so here it goes. In Aug. I miscarried I didn't tell anyone at the time but my cycle never returned to normal I ended up having a period for a long time like months long, so I finally went to the Doc. He did some blood work and gave me some pills and I went home. No big deal. A couple days later I get the call you need to do an ultrasound you blood work wasn't good. So I go there is a mass in my uterus the guys says it look likes a molar pregnancy. Then two hours later I get a call come in you need to talk to the Doc. The Doc says you have a molar Pregnancy you need a D&C but it's a special one so you need to be in St. George tomorrow by nine. So off we go, we see the surgeon he tells us to wait for the call and then we go down they do the D&C and we're back home. I'm wiped out after the surgery so tired but I'm hopeful. Then two day later the bleeding returns I get worried but I have no idea what's going on. A few days later the surgeon calls and says we just got the biopsy results and it's cancer. So I booked you a CT scan and an app. with the oncologist. This was thur. Apr. 1st, but it was no joke. Can you imagine calling your family on April Fools to tell them you have cancer Yeah that was good times,Heavenly Father has to get his giggles some how. It was a long wait till our app. but on Wed. we went, the oncologist said we need more than just a ct scan we need a brain mri and blood work too. He diagnosed me with Chorio carcinoma. It's a very treatable cancer but it's spreads quickly and easily following the blood flow. so they had to check the brain, lungs, liver, kidneys, well that's all I can remember. So after all the tests they told us to come back tomorrow. We have to drive 1 1/2 hours to get to St. George for all these app. so me and Ry have had lots of quality time lately. So we went back on Thur. the 8th. The oncologist said that the cancer had spread to my lungs but no where else, that is a good thing he said the lungs are easy to treat he said I was at stage IIIB and was high risk so they had to be aggressive with the treatment. He said Chemo would start on thur. one week from today. He also said I needed to think about doing a hysterectomy because this cancer can come back but I'm young and need to decide if I was done having children. I told him I wanted it done cause the kids I have are my priority and I want to be healthy for them. So he said he would try to schedule the surgery for early next week but it might have to be after the chemo is done because the tumor in my uterus is very large and they might not operate till the chemo has shrunk it. The Chemo will be in two week rounds for 12 to 18 weeks. the schedule is 2 ivs on thurs followed by a 12 hr. drip then fri two more ivs then three days of this chemo pill then thurs. two ivs then the whole thing starts over on the next thur. It will be intense and my hair will be gone by week three but my spirits are high I'm so grateful it's me and not one of my kids. I'm grateful my mom can come up to help and I have a very supportive and loving husband. Right now I don't need anything but your love support and prayers. I know this is a lot to take in my mind can barely come to grips with it but just know I'm ok I know I will be fine once this is over and you know I'll look so sexy with my bald head everybody will want to shave theirs. I'll try to update this every week so that you guys are informed. But please no sad cancer stories unless you have tips or tricks from your own chemo experience.