Thursday, September 9, 2010

Perspective

I first have to say thank you thank you for all the prayers i can truly feel them working on my behalf. I'm doing much better now and have to say I know that is because my Heavenly Father has heard all of our prayers but of course he answered them in a way I never expected. As you can tell from my last post I was in a very dark place I truly had cried myself to sleep for the last 5 nights and at one point Ry said if you don't calm down I will call the ambulance and take you to the hospital that's how hysterical i was and if you know me you know I don't cry. But Wed. I got a letter from a total stranger that total changed my perspective and a switch went off and it was like new life for me I'm going to share with you what he wrote and I hope he doesn't mind."This is Marcy's husband - she has kept me up on your struggle and I asked if I could write to you)

You don't know me, and I don't know you. But in a way, I feel I do. I'm one of those 3 boys in the photo at the top of your blog ... just 25 years older now. When I was 7 my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer and I spent my entire childhood through the end of high school in and out of oncology wards and seeing first hand the emotional and mental toll that cancer took on it's victims. For myself and my two younger brothers, we got to see a lot of very good people suffer very unfairly.

You're at the very hardest stage, the stage where you've been getting sicker and sicker and the finish line was just moved on you again. It's terribly unfair and the thought of taking even one more step down the path seems like more than you can take. Instead of thinking of it as a race, or with a specific timeline in mind (one awful lesson I had to learn was that cancer refuses to stick to timelines) - think of another analogy. You have a photo of you boxing with cancer as your Facebook profile picture, and you had it knocked down and thought the fight was over. But somehow it has dragged itself off the canvas and you have to answer the bell again and go out there for one more round. Yes, it's going to be tough and yes, right now it sounds like something you can't do - but once it's over and you've won, you'll be proud of yourself for sticking with it.

I've read your blog and you are a strong, caring and eloquent person. Someday you'll be able to offer a wealth of experience and compassion to others who end up in the same situation - and you'll be able to look right at them and tell them of the times you were at the very bottom and managed to make it through, and it will be a huge lift to someone else.

I'm not a doctor, and I don't know your situation. I do know that in the long view of the rest of your life, 24 weeks instead of 22 is something you'll be able to look back on and realize was a very short period. If you feel that the medical advise is in your best interest, know that in addition to everyone you know there's also an entire community of those of us touched by cancer that are cheering you on.

Keep fighting, and I'll make sure to keep checking your blog. You're in all of our prayers.

-Nathan

(p.s - your sons probably aren't even old enough now to realize it, but they are learning an unbelievable amount from you right now on how to deal with adversity and they will look back and be enormously proud of you ... I know that was the way it was with myself and my brothers)"
This letter was totally my answer to prayer it wan't the call from the doc saying i didn't have to do more treatment like I wanted But none the less this was exactly what i needed a new perspective. I really haven't thought much about the affect this will have on my sons I mean I have thought about the negative things and tried to do all i can to prevent it but i have never thought about any positive affects. To be honest it seems like my kids could care less so I really never thought that maybe my boys are paying attention to me. His letter was like hearing my sons talking 25 yrs from now. He really made me think that how I handle this trial now will be the example my boys look to when they are having trials and adversity in their futures. I don't want them to just cry and give up when times are hard. So I can't either. It's just so crazy that a letter from a total stranger I have never meet or seen can totally change your life, but that is what he did for me. I can't thank him enough for listening to that little voice that said write to her and can't thank my Heavenly Father enough for sending me exactly what I needed in my darkest hour.

10 comments:

Michelle said...

My heart breaks for you star! I am so uplifted by your honesty, and determination! Be strong and know that you are teaching lessons to more than yourself and your boys. I feel like I'm a better person from having known you. Be strong! I believe in you!

RufflesAndFringe said...

Heavenly Father sure knows what He is doing! What a great answer to all of our prayers we have said on your behalf. I'm so proud of you!

Love,

Nicole

Kim said...

The fact that a complete stranger was prompted to write such an uplifting letter really is an example of how our Heavenly Father knows what we need and how to help us, and that right there is another great lesson for your kids (and all of us!). The sheet to help you this month was filled by the time it got to me in Relief Society but please feel free to let me know if you need meals or someone to take the kids to the park!

Tara said...

WOW... God is watching and he knows what a great person you are so he sent and angle to help you in your time of need. What a great experience. Thanks for sharing. Sending you love and prayers.

Tara

Rach said...

I can't stop crying. HE really does take care of us huh? Thanks for sharing. Love ya girl!

Melissa said...

To Nathan, thank you!

To Star you are amazing! I love you!!

M and M Pali said...

Star thank you for your example. I do know that GOD works in misterious ways. He will always answer our prayers. It may not be by the means or what we want to hear but He does hear and answer our prayers. Thank you again.
With all of our love and prays.
Mitch, Morgan, Matt, Maddy, Mikki, and Maxx.

linda said...

Hi Star--So this is where you go in your well, sane/insane moments when you privately connect with the public world. You are clearly surrounded by prayers, angels and blessings. I hope you know one day the CCs (chemo-craziness!)will seem like some bizarre far off dream from another time. It will. I promise! People still comment about my hair growing back--and I'll be 4 years out this Oct 2nd (Ok 3 1/2 from chemo). It catches me off guard sometimes because I forget that I was a bald crazy sleep deprived lady once. Hang in! It will pass! Love you, Linda

Karisa Lynn said...

Sending you prayers!! I watched a documentary tonight and it made me think of you. Not sure if you've seen it - "FoodMatters"...it discusses how food can cure cancers. Give it a look if you haven't already!!

Thinking of you and your family.

Angie said...

I freakin' love you girl!