Week 5,6,7

Ok obviously I've been slacking week 5 really threw me off. My white counts were so low they wouldn't even do chemo. But the next week my counts were back up and we started again. I also found out my cancer counts are already down to 320. So after 4 weeks they droped from 350,000 to 320. It was very exciting news once the count gets to zero then I have 8 treatments left so the count down can really begin. I've been feeling pretty good which is a true blessing. And my armpit hair is almost gone which is totally awesome! I had to shave my head well bic it because the fine hairs started getting so irritated I'm not sure why but my hubby loves my smooth bald head. My eyebrows and eyelashes are still hanging on. The hardest part lately has been the anxiety I get it so bad the days before my treatments I just go crazy during the day doing projects and staying busy but then at night I can't sleep it can be very frustrating. It's defiantly a mental game fighting the depression that wants to consume me and just making myself get out of bed everyday. It's nothing I've had to deal with before it makes me feel for those who deal daily with these problems. It's all stuff that I just didn't know I'd be dealing with I just thought I'd be puking a lot. But I'm grateful that I know this will be over and I can have my normal life back a lot of people don't have that. I also got to go to a cancer makeup class they had for our 36 and younger group. There was like 6 of us and a lady came to teach us how to put makeup on and draw on eyebrows and stuff and companies donate all the makeup for us. It was so fun they also had wigs for us to try on they weren't to bad but I just can't see myself wearing one. I don't know what it is maybe cause it's fake and that just bugs me plus they are hot and ichy. I just rock the bald head and let the people stare! Plus I really don't see myself very often so it's really not my problem. It is tough sometimes I just miss my hair but it will grow. I'm hopping we'll find out thur. that my counts are down to zero so get your prayers going then we'll start the countdown. Love you guys thanks for all your encouragement I'm trying to stay strong and positive and all your kind words help.

Week four!

Week four has been a crazy one. When we went on Thursday they said my white counts were very low so we would need to come down everyday for three days to get a shot that would stimulate my marrow to produce white cells. So we had to drive the hour and a half Thursday. Fri. Sat. and sun. It was crazy but I did get to go with my little sisters one day to go shopping and that was fun and Mother's day we drove home through Zion and it was so beautiful. And besides being tired I have felt pretty good. The funny thing about chemotherapy is everything they give you to help you has horrible side effects like the iron they give me to boost my red blood count , it makes me super nauseous and can give you a rash. The shots for the white blood cells made me so ache my muscles and my bones. Next thing they give me to help me I'm going to ask if the side effects are worth the help. I mean really! On Mon. our town threw a fundraiser for us. My wonderful volleyball girls organized it and they got so much help from our church and the community. They had a dinner the two grocery stores in town donated all the food they had a craft sale a bake sale and a yard sale. The turn out was amazing there were probably around a thousand people there and when you think that there are probably only four thousand people in the whole town it just blows my mind. It makes me feel so loved. It also shows me that there is so much good in the world. That with all the craziness going on around us there is so much power in just old fashioned love and kindness. It also makes me feel like God is so aware of little me in this big world and he has given me so much support through all these wonderful people!

Week three

Well week three has been full of surprises. The next day after my last post we were driving to my treatment and I was messing with my hair and it started coming out by the handful. They said by week three but I didn't know they ment that day. It was so weird to just out of the blue have your hair fall out like that. But we just came home after the treatments and shaved it. The kids got a kick out of it and it has been a much easier transition for them then I thought it would be. When we went to treatment they first do blood work and then we met with the doc. He said my red blood cells are really low and they would start giving me iron in the iv every week, and if the red count doesn't go up they will have to do a blood transfusion. So everyone pray that the iron works cause the transfusion scares me. Then they told me my white counts were very low too and I needed to stay away from lots of people. So I was feeling pretty discouraged after that visit but then we went back the next day for more treatment and the nurse said my hcg levels were in. Those are the cancer markers that they use for this cancer and starting out I was at 350,000 and now just after two weeks it was down to 18,000. That's no typo it has dropped that drastically so now I feel so happy. I know your prayers are working and the treatment while hard on me is totally kicking cancer's ass! It was just the encouragement I needed. This week has been hard the treatment makes me really sick and being sick makes me more negative and sad but I know in a few days i'll be feeling better. The hair thing has been crazy. It's like looking at a stranger in the mirror. My friend Katie made me a whole bunch of flowers and headbands that I love it gives me a feminine look and doesn't scream cancer like the hats do. I'm so blessed to have such amazing friends.

Second week

Hallelujah the small treatment last week wasn't so bad. I prayed and prayed that I would be able to go to my boys baseball games on Sat. It was Braxton's first t-ball game ever and Austin's first game of the season, so I wanted to go so bad. My prayers were answered I had really bad heartburn but that was the worst of it. It really gave me the confidence that maybe I can do this after all. If only every other week is bad then I'll have lots of good days. I also went to all three hours of church on Sun., it was a little tiring but I'm glad I did it at least once. Of course I came home and puked my guts out I couldn't even keep water down but It was just the stomach flu and only lasted a couple days. I was pissed at first like really Heavenly Father do I really have to be sick on my good week, but then I thought about it if I got this sick on My bad weekend I'd probably end up in the hospital so I realized it was a blessing after all. It's crazy the things you learn to appreciate. My hair is also hanging on which is nice. Everyone keeps saying what if yours doesn't fall out. I would be so pissed if I cut all my hair off and it doesn't fall out. Stinking charity and their sick kids taking all my hair. I would write them a letter asking for my hair back and have someone put them in extensions! Just joking that would be so funny though. "Dear Locks of Love, My hair didn't fall out after all I would like my donations back please. Love Starla" I'd really have problems then h uh! Anyway all kidding aside I just want to tell all my friends and family thank you so much for everything. I really do feel so loved. And to my Bunco girls thank you thank you! You guys rock and I'm so lucky to have you as my friends!

First week

My guess is there are a million cancer blogs out there so I'm not sure what to write exactly in these updates. I do want to be honest though so, chemo kicked my trash! I'll admit I'm not superwoman and it has been much harder than I thought. I had a couple rough days over the weekend. Having said that, I have had many good days and many good moments that out weigh the bad ten fold. There have been so many blessings, like last Thurs. we went in for the first treatment I had just had surgery the day before and we still didn't know what the plan was. I needed to receive 3 different chemo IVs and the one took 12 hrs. and they hadn't worked out the details yet. When we got there the first two took a couple of hours but then they gave us a fanny pack with a pump and taught Ry how to unhook it and flush it when the 12 hrs was up. They said usually they just hospitalize you for two days because of the time and that we had more treatments the next day too. Instead we got to leave go stay comfortably at a friends and that is a blessing. Constipation (I know TMI !) has been a ridiculous challenge. One night on the crapper in tremendous pain I began to be-raid God and ask him, well tell him to help me. He could do this for me a poop wasn't too much to ask for right! Well after a little suffering and me not patiently waiting, relief comes. Now you all know poop can be an answer to prayers. It was a blessing. Now I know alot of people are reading these updates and some don't believe in a higher power. But this is not me trying to convert. I know people may look at my faith and think it is a coping mechanism. But for me it's the defining reality of my life. I see myself as a daughter of God, a person of tremendous worth and potential. Though I may have hard times and struggles I know I have, not merely a God but a Father, a Heavenly Father who loves me his daughter. And though he doesn't take away my trials he lifts my burdens and soothes my aching heart. So don't give up on this blog or dismiss it for it's religious tones. Just take this opportunity to get an inside view into my life and what my faith does for me. To all of you thanks so much for everything. Being the charity case is not easy for me but I have learned so much by being helped and motivated by all of you much love. Star

p.s. I'm no Tebow and I have no desire to be a poster child for Christianity. I have my own problems and am nowhere near perfection. Thank you.

Locks of Love!

Before

After short and sassy!

I was so happy my friend Jeri could fit me in today to get my hair cut. I really wanted to donate it so something good can come of all of this. Fyi Locks of love won't take your hair once you've started chemo I was so glad someone told me that or all my gorgeous hair would have gone to waste. It was good to be able to talk to my kids about it so they understood that this hair will go to someone who needs it much more than I do. I don't think they will do the hysterectomy this week we haven't heard anything and they scheduled a surgery for WEd. to put a post in. It's just a thing they put under your skin to put the iv in so they don't have to find a vein each time. I feel so blessed though a sweet family in our church gave us a check yesterday for $500 and today I got the call that we would need $500 by Wed to cover half the cost of the surgery up front. I know God is so aware of us and our needs and he answers our prayers through other wonderful people who listen so carefully to his guidance. Thank you to everyone who has given us kind words or has stopped by to encourage me. I feel lifted by all your sweet sprits.

Cancer, can't believe I said it! (Choriocarcinoma)

So I debated long and hard about this, to share or not to share? I tend to be a very private person, especially with bad news but there is a lesson in everything so I have a feeling my lesson is to be more open communicate ask for help and share good or bad so here it goes. In Aug. I miscarried I didn't tell anyone at the time but my cycle never returned to normal I ended up having a period for a long time like months long, so I finally went to the Doc. He did some blood work and gave me some pills and I went home. No big deal. A couple days later I get the call you need to do an ultrasound you blood work wasn't good. So I go there is a mass in my uterus the guys says it look likes a molar pregnancy. Then two hours later I get a call come in you need to talk to the Doc. The Doc says you have a molar Pregnancy you need a D&C but it's a special one so you need to be in St. George tomorrow by nine. So off we go, we see the surgeon he tells us to wait for the call and then we go down they do the D&C and we're back home. I'm wiped out after the surgery so tired but I'm hopeful. Then two day later the bleeding returns I get worried but I have no idea what's going on. A few days later the surgeon calls and says we just got the biopsy results and it's cancer. So I booked you a CT scan and an app. with the oncologist. This was thur. Apr. 1st, but it was no joke. Can you imagine calling your family on April Fools to tell them you have cancer Yeah that was good times,Heavenly Father has to get his giggles some how. It was a long wait till our app. but on Wed. we went, the oncologist said we need more than just a ct scan we need a brain mri and blood work too. He diagnosed me with Chorio carcinoma. It's a very treatable cancer but it's spreads quickly and easily following the blood flow. so they had to check the brain, lungs, liver, kidneys, well that's all I can remember. So after all the tests they told us to come back tomorrow. We have to drive 1 1/2 hours to get to St. George for all these app. so me and Ry have had lots of quality time lately. So we went back on Thur. the 8th. The oncologist said that the cancer had spread to my lungs but no where else, that is a good thing he said the lungs are easy to treat he said I was at stage IIIB and was high risk so they had to be aggressive with the treatment. He said Chemo would start on thur. one week from today. He also said I needed to think about doing a hysterectomy because this cancer can come back but I'm young and need to decide if I was done having children. I told him I wanted it done cause the kids I have are my priority and I want to be healthy for them. So he said he would try to schedule the surgery for early next week but it might have to be after the chemo is done because the tumor in my uterus is very large and they might not operate till the chemo has shrunk it. The Chemo will be in two week rounds for 12 to 18 weeks. the schedule is 2 ivs on thurs followed by a 12 hr. drip then fri two more ivs then three days of this chemo pill then thurs. two ivs then the whole thing starts over on the next thur. It will be intense and my hair will be gone by week three but my spirits are high I'm so grateful it's me and not one of my kids. I'm grateful my mom can come up to help and I have a very supportive and loving husband. Right now I don't need anything but your love support and prayers. I know this is a lot to take in my mind can barely come to grips with it but just know I'm ok I know I will be fine once this is over and you know I'll look so sexy with my bald head everybody will want to shave theirs. I'll try to update this every week so that you guys are informed. But please no sad cancer stories unless you have tips or tricks from your own chemo experience.